As my pregnancy is coming close to it's final days (11 days and counting!!) I can't help but think about I lucky I am. I think about the journey we took to get where we are today... all of the fertility treatments, heartache, stress, hope, fear, amazement... and then I remember where we are today. In just a few short days we will have a baby. A little tiny human being who will be ours to keep. The joy is so emotional and overwhelming. At a few points in my life I never thought that would happen. It seemed unreachable and foreign.
I'll never forget the day I found out I was pregnant. It was a Sunday morning and I couldn't sleep because I was too anxious and nervous. Once I took the test my heart skipped a beat. Was this for real? It was like I was dreaming. I was shaking with excitement, hesitation, precaution, joy.... awe. The past nine months have flown by but I feel like I remember each month so clearly and destinctly. (which is amazing because I can't seem to remember which side the gas tank is on for my car! haha!) Of course with your first pregnancy you do tend to document everything.
I guess the reason I am thinking about these things is because I see my close friends going through the same battle I went through when trying to conceive. I see the hesitation and hope in their faces when they've just completed a treatment... trying to stay positive but don't want to get their hopes up for fear of another disappointment. I feel for them so strongly I can't help but hold back the tears. I want this for them so badly it hurts. I can't do anything to help them but I hope they know that I felt the same way, and I'm living proof that it can happen and sometimes you just need the right tools in order for it to work.
Fertility is an amazing and unpredictable science. Hopefully some day in the future couple's will not have to go through the pain of wanting a child so badly only to have hurt and disappointment every month that it hasn't happened for them. Just don't give up...
I am so tired these days. I'm having a really hard time focusing on work when all I want so badly is for this baby to arrive. I know, I should enjoy this time while I have it because once this baby comes the silence will be gone forever! I had my 36 week doctor appointment yesterday. No progress has been made as of yet... meaning I'm not dilated. The baby's heartrate was 155. He or she has definitely dropped at least a little bit which is so very nice because I'm able to breathe a little easier! :)
Over the past couple of weeks I've been so lucky to have had two baby showers! One thrown by some very dear friends of mine and another was a dual shower at work with my friend Meredith who is due a week before me. How lucky we are! Here are a few pictures from the first shower on 2/28.
This is my friend Michelle, she made the cute tiered cake with the little pregnant lady on the top!! It was so delicious too. She is so stinkin' talented... love this girl!
Everyone was encouraged to decorate a onesie. Oh my gosh they are priceless!! It was such a great idea and it will be a wonderful memory from the shower each time the baby wears one. How sweet! :)
Ah yes, the belly string game... let's guess how big you are! This is Ellie, my cousin's daughter, trying her string on for size. She did a good job guessing!
My wonderful friend Valerie made a cute-as-can-be diaper cake! We will definitely be using those here soon! Thanks Val, you're the best! :)
And last but not least, are the amazing party planners! I know these girls put a lot of work into making it a beautiful shower and I can't thank them enough!! I am so incredibly lucky to have such great/amazing/sweet friends!!! :)
Matt and I are having the hardest time picking baby names. We just can't seem to find one we both love. AND it's so much harder to have to pick one boy name and one girl name... it would be so much easier if we knew the gender! Oh well too late now! I just have to laugh because we're so indecisive.... here's an email chain we've been working on for oh, about 5 days now...
Me: Do you like?? Boys: Alec Benson
Girls: Juliana (I think I mentioned before but can’t remember what you said about it) Brenna Calista Eden
Matt: I like Alex better than Alec, but I'm sure that is off the table because of Mr. Stoermer (FYI-a friend of ours)
I like Bennett better than Benson. I do like Juliana... what do you think about Julia? Of the last 3, I like Eden the best. What do you think of Caelyn?
Me: Well I thought I would suggest Alec BECAUSE you like Alex. I like Juliana better than Julia. I like Caelyn.
Matt: What about Dillon or Vanessa?
Me: Not really a fan of either. For girls, I don’t really like names that end in –issa or –essa, that’s why I don’t like Alyssa either (sorry no offense to anyone!!).
Me: That website it not helping. It keeps showing me the same names over again even though I have blocked them!
Matt: It works awesome for me...found a few more names to try on for size: Girls Elise Avery Hope Clara Olivia
Boys Vaughn Graham Grant Caedyn Quinn
Me: Oh my God I'm going to smack you... I asked you about Elise a long time ago and you didn't like it!
Matt: We've discussed a million names at this point! You also loved Bennett and have since changed your mind. Do you like any of the other ones?
Me: I still like Bennett... I just want to give our child his own name and feel like Bennett is maybe a little too close to Benjamin. I'm on the fence.
And no, I'm sorry I don't like the other names.
Matt: What about Owen?
This is just hilarious to me! This doesn't include all of the countless conversations we've had about names up until now... Who knew picking a name for your child could be so hard!! haha! It's all in good fun though and hopefully we'll be able to agree on something soon! :)